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Every now and then, life throws us into situations where the only thing standing between us and what we want is, well… us. It’s not the economy, not your family, not even Mercury retrograde. It’s you. That nagging voice in your head, the one that says, You’re not ready, You’ll fail. Or my personal favorite, Who do you think you are? Congratulations, you’ve met your inner saboteur.
Brianna Wiest calls this internal obstacle “the mountain.” Her book, The Mountain Is You, argues that most of the struggles we face aren’t external. They’re self-inflicted. But here’s the twist: that mountain isn’t just an enemy to conquer. It’s also a guide, revealing the work we need to do to grow and thrive.
And then there’s David McRaney, author of How Minds Change, who offers a different kind of insight: changing your beliefs, or anyone else’s isn’t about shouting louder or reasoning harder. It’s about understanding why we believe what we believe in the first place. His work dovetails beautifully with Wiest’s: If the mountain is you, McRaney shows us how to climb it without falling into the usual traps of stubbornness and self-deception.
Let’s dive into how these insights and what I think can help you stop self-sabotaging, embrace change, and finally start living the life you’ve been avoiding.
Self-sabotage isn’t about laziness or incompetence. It’s about protection. Your brain is trying to protect you from failure, disappointment, or even success. Because guess what? Success is scary. It means change. It means expectations. And most of all, it means stepping into the unknown, which your brain interprets as dangerous.
Self-sabotage is a survival mechanism. It’s your mind’s way of keeping you in your comfort zone, even if that comfort zone is making you miserable. Think about it: how many times have you avoided a tough conversation, procrastinated on a project, or stayed in a job that drained you because it felt “safer” than the alternative?
Self-sabotage doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you have unmet needs or unresolved fears. The mountain isn’t there to punish you. It’s there to teach you. Every time you self-sabotage, it’s a signpost pointing to an area of your life that needs attention.
Now let’s bring in McRaney. If Wiest identifies the mountain, McRaney explains why it feels so damn hard to climb. The human brain is a belief-generating machine, constantly creating stories to make sense of the world. But here’s the catch: once we form a belief, we’re hardwired to defend it, even against overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
This is why you might cling to the idea that you’re “not a morning person” or “just bad with money” even though those beliefs are holding you back. They’ve become part of your identity. And changing your identity? That’s terrifying.
Research shows that beliefs are like social glue. They hold our sense of self and community together. Changing a belief doesn’t just disrupt your internal world. It can also make you feel like you’re losing your place in the external one. It’s no wonder we dig our heels in, even when the belief is clearly doing more harm than good.
Take that classic excuse, “I’m just bad at relationships.” Saying this doesn’t just shield you from putting in the hard work to change. It also provides a convenient out. No need to take responsibility if it’s just “who you are,” right? The moment you accept that beliefs are flexible and situations are dynamic, you regain power. It’s no longer about you being bad at relationships. It’s about recognizing patterns and adjusting them.
The Science of Climbing the Mountain
The good news? Both Wiest and McRaney agree that change is absolutely possible. The bad news? It’s going to take effort, humility, and a willingness to confront some uncomfortable truths.
Wiest’s approach is rooted in self-awareness. You can’t fix a problem if you don’t know what it is. And self-sabotage loves to disguise itself as practicality (“I can’t take that risk, it’s too soon”), inevitability (“This is just how things are”), or even altruism (“I don’t want to make others uncomfortable”).
Start by asking yourself:
- What am I avoiding?
- What story am I telling myself to justify staying stuck?
- What would I do if I wasn’t afraid?
These questions might feel cringey, but they’re essential for peeling back the layers of excuses to see what’s really driving your behavior.
McRaney, meanwhile, emphasizes the importance of curiosity. If beliefs are the foundation of your mental mountain, then chipping away at them requires a jackhammer of open-mindedness. Instead of doubling down on your stories, ask yourself, What if I’m wrong? Not as an attack, but as an exploration.
Here’s where things get tricky: the process of change often feels worse before it feels better. That’s because dismantling old patterns creates a temporary void. And voids are scary.
You can liken this to tearing down an old house before you can build a new one. For a while, all you’ve got is rubble, and it’s easy to look around and think, I’ve made a huge mistake. This is the moment most people give up and retreat to their comfort zones.
But this discomfort is where growth happens. If you can sit with it. If you can tolerate the mess and uncertainty. You’ll eventually start to see the framework to something better emerge.
Let’s add another layer to this: the idea of cognitive dissonance. When your actions don’t align with your beliefs, your brain freaks out a little. It’s why starting a new habit (like waking up at 6 a.m. to write) feels so awful at first. Your brain is clinging to the old narrative (“I’m not a morning person”) even as your behavior begins to rewrite it.
The ultimate goal isn’t to eliminate self-sabotage. It’s to understand it. Self-sabotage often has valuable information to offer, like a poorly worded but well-meaning email from your subconscious. Maybe it’s telling you that you’re overcommitted, that you need more support, or that your current path isn’t aligned with your values.
The advice? Stop fighting the mountain and start listening to it. When you catch yourself procrastinating, overthinking, or self-sabotaging, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, ask:
- What am I afraid of?
- What do I need right now?
Let’s take this a step further. To change your mind (and your life for that matter) you have to embrace humility. This doesn’t mean thinking less of yourself. It means recognizing that you’re a work in progress. Instead of clinging to old beliefs out of fear, approach change with curiosity.
Why This Matters for Founders and Leaders?
Founders, in particular, are prone to self-sabotage. It often shows up as perfectionism (“This product isn’t ready yet”), procrastination (“I’ll work on the pitch deck after I reorganize my inbox”), or fear of failure (“Maybe the market just isn’t ready for this idea”).
But here’s the thing: the mountain isn’t going anywhere. If you’re waiting for the perfect moment to climb it, you’ll be waiting forever. The sooner you confront your fears and limiting beliefs, the sooner you can start making real progress.
In a world where markets shift and industries evolve overnight, the ability to adapt is a superpower. Both, mentally and strategically. Leaders who can challenge their own assumptions and embrace change are the ones who thrive, even in uncertain times.
Let’s not forget that no one climbs their mountain alone. Whether it’s a supportive partner, a mentor, or a team that believes in your vision, having people who challenge and encourage you makes all the difference.
I cant emphasis the importance of self-compassion on this journey enough. You’re going to stumble. You’re going to make mistakes. But every misstep is a lesson, not a failure.
Surround yourself with people who push you to think bigger, act braver, and question your own stories is just as important.
At the end of the day, the mountain isn’t here to defeat you. It’s here to shape you. Every time you face a fear, challenge a belief, or take a step toward the unknown, you’re carving a path toward the person you’re meant to become.
So, the next time you catch yourself saying, “I can’t” or “That’s just who I am,” pause. Ask yourself if that’s the truth. Pause, take it in and maybe you realise it’s just a story you’ve been telling yourself.
Because the mountain isn’t the problem. The mountain is you. And that means you have everything you need to climb it.
Takeaways:
- Self-sabotage is a signal, not a failure: Understand what your fears and patterns are trying to tell you instead of fighting them.
- Beliefs aren’t permanent: Challenge old stories and rewrite them with curiosity and humility.
- Change feels messy but it’s worth it: Discomfort is a sign you’re growing; don’t retreat at the first sign of rubble.
- Self-mastery starts with awareness: Identify what’s truly holding you back. Whether it’s perfectionism, fear, or over-attachment to outdated beliefs.
- Community matters: Surround yourself with people who challenge and support your growth.
- Adaptability is your superpower: Leaders and founders who embrace change thrive in uncertain times.
- You are the mountain: The challenges you face are a reflection of your own potential. Conquer them to discover who you’re meant to be.
